....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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