Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
