A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
