I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize