you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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