I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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