I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
