$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
