i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize