Where did you get a picture of my penis
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
