Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
