Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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