god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
