my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
NoShamevember. You game?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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