On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
