Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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