Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
