I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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