I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
