It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
