So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
