She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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