Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
