Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
