He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
