how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Enjoy the penises
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
