I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
