one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
