you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
