I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
