I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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