Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
