It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
