nut hugger
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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