why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
