My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
