i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
