she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
