We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
