Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
