I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize