he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
