Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Don't make out with my wife yet
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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