I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
