you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
