she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ttyl tear gas
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
