I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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