did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
