I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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