And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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