I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
