imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
