My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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