question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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