Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
