He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
