Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think I am morally bankrupt
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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