she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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