So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
