Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
