I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
