I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize