I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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