i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
