great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
