I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
