hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
