The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
